Buruja
The Book of the Prohibited actions

Riyad as-Salihin · Chapter 281

Prohibition of two Holding Secret Counsel to the Exclusion of Conversing together a Third

باب النهي عن تناجي اثنين دون الثالث بغير إذنه إلا لحاجة وهو أن يتحدثا سرًا بحيث لا يسمعهما وفي معناه إذا تحدثا بلسان لا يفهمه

This short chapter guards something easy to overlook, the feelings of the person sitting right beside you. When three are gathered and two of them slip into a private exchange, leaving the third on the outside, the Prophet (peace be upon him) forbade it. The Arabic word here is najwa, a quiet or secret conversation, and the concern is not the secrecy itself but the loneliness it creates in the one left out.

Notice that the ruling is tied to a reason, lest the third should be grieved. Once the group grows large enough that no one is singled out, the harm lifts. Read these two reports together and you see a faith that pays close attention to small social wounds and asks us to do the same.

Hadith 1598

Ibn 'Umar (May Allah be pleased with them) said:

وعن ابن عمر رضي الله عنهما أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم قال‏:‏ ‏"‏إذا كانوا ثلاثة فلا يتناجى اثنان دون الثالث‏"‏ ‏(‏‏(‏متفق عليه‏)‏‏)‏‏.‏ ‏(‏‏(‏ورواه أبو دواد وزاد‏:‏ قال أبو صالح‏:‏ قلت لابن عمر‏:‏ فأربعة‏؟‏ قال‏:‏ لا يضرك‏.‏ ورواه مالك في الموطأ‏:‏ عن عبد الله بن دينار قال‏:‏ كنت أنا وابن عمر عند دار خالد بن عقبة التي في السوق، فجاء رجل يريد أن يناجيه، وليس مع ابن عمر أحد غيري، فدعا ابن عمر رجلا آخر حتى كنا أربعة فقال لي وللرجل الثالث الذي دعا‏:‏ استأخرا شيئًا، فإني سمعت رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يقول‏:‏ ‏"‏لا يتناجى اثنان دون واحد‏"‏‏.‏

the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "In the presence of three people, two should not hold secret counsel, to the exclusion of the third." [Al- Bukhari and Muslim]. In Abu Dawud, Abu Salih related: I asked Ibn 'Umar: "What if there are four people." He said, "There is no harm in that." Malik reported in Al-Muwatta that 'Abdullah bin Dinar related: Ibn 'Umar and I were together in Khalid bin 'Uqbah's house which was situated in the market place. A man came to consult Ibn 'Umar. None besides me was present. Ibn 'Umar called another man in and we became four and said to me and the man he had called: Move away a bit because I have heard the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) saying, "The two people should not hold secret counsel together excluding the third."

In plain words

When three people are together, two should not whisper privately and leave the third out. Ibn 'Umar adds that once a fourth joins, there is no harm in it.

Reference : Riyad as-Salihin 1598 In-book reference : Book 17, Hadith 88

Hadith 1599

Ibn Mas'ud (May Allah be pleased with him) said:

وعن ابن مسعود رضي الله عنه أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم قال‏:‏ ‏ "‏إذا كنتم ثلاثة، فلا يتناجى اثنان دون الآخر حتى تختلطوا بالناس، من أجل أن ذلك يحزنه‏" ‏ ‏(‏‏(‏متفق عليه‏)‏‏)‏‏.‏

The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "When three of you are together, two of you must not converse privately ignoring the third till the number increases, lest the third should be grieved." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

In plain words

When three are gathered, two must not talk privately and ignore the third, for it would hurt his feelings, until more people are present. Faith pays attention to the loneliness we can cause without noticing.

Reference : Riyad as-Salihin 1599 In-book reference : Book 17, Hadith 89