The 365 · Verses · Day 93 · Family
Some family will pull you from Allah. The Quran says: be aware, then forgive. The Prophet ﷺ interrupted his sermon to lift al-Ḥasan and Ḥusayn.
Qur'an Q 64:14
يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوٓا۟ إِنَّ مِنْ أَزْوَٰجِكُمْ وَأَوْلَـٰدِكُمْ عَدُوًّا لَّكُمْ فَٱحْذَرُوهُمْ ۚ وَإِن تَعْفُوا۟ وَتَصْفَحُوا۟ وَتَغْفِرُوا۟ فَإِنَّ ٱللَّهَ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ
“Believers, even among your spouses and your children you have some enemies, beware of them, but if you overlook their offences, forgive them, pardon them, then God is all forgiving, all merciful. (Abdel Haleem)”
Svenska: TROENDE! Bland era hustrur och era barn kan finnas [de som är] era fiender; var därför på er vakt mot dem! Men om ni har överseende, förlåter och glömmer. (Knut Bernström)
The story
Ibn Kathir reads this verse with two complementary explanations. First, Mujāhid: some spouses and children 'may direct the man to sever his relation [with kin] or disobey his Lord. The man, who loves his wives and children, might obey them in this case.' Second, the asbāb al-nuzūl narrated by Ibn ʿAbbās (Tirmidhī, classed ḥasan ṣaḥīḥ): 'There were men who embraced Islam in Makkah and wanted to migrate to Allah's Messenger. However, their wives and children refused to allow them. Later when they joined Allah's Messenger ﷺ, they found that those who were with him had gained knowledge in the religion, so they were about to punish their wives and children. Allah the Exalted sent down this verse: But if you pardon (them) and overlook, and forgive, then verily, Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.'
In the language
عَدُوًّا (ʿaduwwan, 'enemy') is from ʿ-d-w. The Quran's grammatical construction is 'min azwājikum wa-awlādikum ʿaduwwan lakum' (some among your spouses and children are enemies to you), not 'all are enemies.' The 'min' particle is partitive: some, not all. تَعْفُوا وَتَصْفَحُوا وَتَغْفِرُوا (taʿfū wa-taṣfaḥū wa-taghfirū, 'you pardon, overlook, and forgive') is a triple-verb structure with graduated meaning: ʿafw (release of the right to retaliate), ṣafh (turning away without dwelling), maghfirah (full erasure). The Quran is asking for the maximum pardon, not the minimum.
Why this verse
The verse arrives with two doors: a warning (some family will pull you from your dīn) and a mercy (when they delay you, forgive them). The 'enmity' is not malicious in intent, but functional: the love itself can pull the believer away from the obligations of his religion.
Bring it into today
Audit one tension with a spouse or child this week. Have you been holding a small offense? The verse names three steps: pardon (release retaliation), overlook (stop dwelling), forgive (erase fully). Apply all three. Then practice the Prophet's ﷺ minbar move: lift them up, visibly, lovingly.
A reflection to carry
The verse is uniquely useful for the modern Muslim. We live among spouses and children who, even when they love us, may pull us toward distractions, compromises, anxieties about the dunyā, social embarrassments around our religion. The Quran does not ask us to harden our hearts against them; it asks us to be aware (fa-aḥdharūhum) and then to pardon (taʿfū wa-taṣfaḥū wa-taghfirū). The triple verb is the model: release, overlook, fully forgive. Then trust Allah. The verse closes with His names al-Ghafūr ar-Raḥīm, the same names by which He forgives us. The economy is symmetrical: pardon them as you wish to be pardoned.
Read the longer reflection
Buraydah narrated: 'The Messenger of Allah ﷺ was giving a speech, and al-Ḥasan and Ḥusayn came in wearing red shirts, walking and tripping. The Messenger descended from the minbar, held them and placed them in front of him and said: "Allah and His Messenger said the truth, Verily, your wealth and your children are a fitnah. I saw these two boys walking and tripping and could not be patient until I stopped my speech and picked them up."' The hadith is striking: the Prophet ﷺ both quoted the verse on family-as-fitnah and modeled the loving response. He did not harden himself toward his grandchildren; he interrupted his own sermon to lift them. Family is a fitnah and a mercy at once. The verse's command is to navigate both: beware of the pull from Allah, but pardon when they delay you, and love them visibly.
Sources: Ibn Kathir. The Qur'an and its translation are verified; the scholarship is retold faithfully in our own words and credited to its sources, never reproduced verbatim.
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