The 365 · Tazkiyah · Day 299 · Family
Tark Ikrām al-Aṣhār · The In-Laws Who Are Your Family Now
The disease
ترك إكرام الأصهار
Tark Ikrām al-Aṣhār
The story
Imām al-Shāfiʿī had a teacher Imām Mālik. He honored Mālik as a father; Mālik honored him as a son. After al-Shāfiʿī married, his wife's parents became his honored elders. He served them as he served his own. The salaf's family circles were expansive: marriage produced new parents to honor, not just a new spouse to love.
Why it's named first
Marriage joins two families. The Qur'an names the bond: wa min āyātihi an khalaqa lakum min anfusikum azwājan li-taskunū ilayhā wa jaʿala baynakum mawaddah wa raḥmah (30:21). The marriage produces a new family network: the aṣhār (in-laws). The disease is treating them as outsiders. The Sunnah honors them as extensions of the spouse one married for the sake of Allah.
In the Qur'an
30:21 (above), establishing the marriage as a divine sign. And the Prophet's ﷺ life: when he married ʿĀʾishah, he honored her parents (Abū Bakr and Umm Rūmān) throughout his life. When he married Khadījah, he honored her children from her first marriage and her wider family. The marriage joined families; the honor was mutual.
In the Sunnah
Asmāʾ bint Abī Bakr radiya Allāhu ʿanhā's non-Muslim mother visited her in Madīnah. The Prophet ﷺ permitted Asmāʾ to keep ties with her mother (Bukhārī, Muslim). The principle extends: in-laws retain the right to honor even when religion differs, and certainly when both are Muslim.
The cure
Three practices. 1) Address your in-laws with the same titles you use for your parents (or at least with elevated respect: tit ammu, tīt khalu). 2) Make a small gift or visit at least monthly. 3) Defend them when your spouse complains; the Sunnah is to bridge, not to amplify resentments.
What is at stake
The marriage where in-laws are not honored often fractures. The spouse hears the dismissive comments about their own parents. Trust erodes. The home becomes a battleground over whose family is more deserving of honor. The Day will weigh the believer's full circle of ḥuqūq: parents AND in-laws, both.
A du'a for this day
اللَّهُمَّ بَارِكْ لَنَا في أَصْهَارِنَا :: Allāhumma bārik lanā fī aṣhārinā. O Allah, bless us in our in-laws.
The door of mercy
Reach out to your in-laws this week. A message, a visit, a gift. The act fulfills the bond your marriage created.
A reflection to carry
There is a precise teaching from the marriage of Imam Ahmad. When he married, he treated his wife's father as his own. The father-in-law later said: I never expected such honor; my son-in-law treats me as my own sons treat me. The Sunnah of the salaf's marriages was the absorbing of in-laws into the believer's full circle of ḥuqūq. Modern Muslims treat in-laws often as a separate species: a duty to be minimized, not honored. The reframe is to see them as the parents your spouse loves and who gave you your spouse.
Read the longer reflection
There is a deeper teaching. When Allah joined Adam and Hawwa, He created not just a couple but the template for every marriage. The believer who marries does not just acquire a spouse; he acquires a network. The network includes the in-laws, the new aunts and uncles, the new cousins. Honoring this network is the believer's structural duty. The neglect of in-laws is the most common modern marriage failure. Tonight, examine your relationship with your spouse's parents. Are they honored or tolerated? Are they visited or avoided? The cure is one act of intentional honor this week. Watch the marriage soften. The in-laws are part of the marriage's barakah. Yā Allāh, expand our hearts to honor those You joined to us through marriage. Make us the sons-in-law and daughters-in-law the Prophet ﷺ modeled. Bless our wider family circles. Āmīn.
Sources: Quran, Sahih Bukhari, Sahih Muslim, Tirmidhi, Ahmad, Ibn al-Qayyim. The Qur'an and its translation are verified; the scholarship is retold faithfully in our own words and credited to its sources, never reproduced verbatim.
A verse, a healing, and a Sunnah, every morning.
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